I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i think i have two assholes
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
