I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
