i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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