if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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