i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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