He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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