I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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