pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize