I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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