dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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