Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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