It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
