He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
