and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
