My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
