Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
