i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize