Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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