there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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