some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
