Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
