I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize