you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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