hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There's always time for handjobs
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
