Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
