Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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