nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
