come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He felt like a one man threesome
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
