I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
