it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
