8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
