He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
