i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
