and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
