Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
