i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
