Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
