you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
