This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
