Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
