how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
