I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
