Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
