false alarm. still invincible.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
