Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
