Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
