dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
