I wish I could punch you in the face.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
NoShamevember. You game?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize