The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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