I didn't shave. On purpose
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
