South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
