so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
