The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize