I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Boobs are out for the taking
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
