Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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