This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
