he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
