you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
