I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize