barbara walters just said penis...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
