Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
