i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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