God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
