So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
