I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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