Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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