It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
