there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize