I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
