I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
