Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
