I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
