Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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