guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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