I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
