i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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