I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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