She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
