I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Houston, we have a blender
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
