dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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