I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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