i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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