you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
