my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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