Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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