just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
