I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
