I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
