why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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