Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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