im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
