The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
