the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
