is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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