Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
