she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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