So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You did what with his pubic hair?
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