Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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