only if we run a train.
done.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
