bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
