dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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