i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
