Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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