She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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