I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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